


we walk down paths (in parallel)

by capaldi



Category: Lost Girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 00:24:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capaldi/pseuds/capaldi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tamsin's in the new business of keeping promises. an introspective look at what went down in 4x11.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we walk down paths (in parallel)

She steps in the room with offerings of candy, and words just as saccharine. When Kenzi welcomes Bo back with open arms, it’s as if they’ve exchanged a whole world of internal dialogue that Tamsin wasn’t privy to.

Bo raises Dyson and Lauren and the things that got in the way, and Tamsin just rips at her licorice and says nothing. It’s a simple way of comparison, stacking your exes next to one another, but in no way is it a fair one. Bo loves earnestly, but not equally. And in this realm of reality, it’s Lauren next in line, not Dyson.

“Hale asked Kenzi to move in with him,” she blurts.

Bo stops and acknowledges her presence for a split second before redirecting to Kenzi with _you’re leaving me_. It’s the factor of love and attachment in play, but it’s also simple arithmetic. There’s a shitstorm here with Kenzi, Dyson, and Lauren as its major players and no room for more.

So when Bo steps in, Tamsin checks out.

\---

It doesn’t register that her hand’s actually wrapped around Acacia’s throat until she throws Tamsin her best shit-eating grin. The kind that zips past the aggressive front and pinpoints the fear welling in her stomach. Tamsin doesn’t let go until she’s sure they’re safe. Acacia shoots her a _oh I’m fine by the way thanks for asking_ look before explaining to Bo how her hand got severed in the first place.

“The Wanderer had his Crows cut it off because my protege here didn’t deliver you as quickly as he wanted,” she grumbles.

Tamsin can’t actually look Acacia in the eye because there’s still a residual affection from when she was her mentor. Instead, she turns to Bo, who ignores the second half of that statement and just throws herself in the verbal line of fire for Rainer. Rainer, who is near and dear to Bo’s heart now. Tamsin looks away.

Boyfriend, she explains to Acacia, and persuades her to stay despite the unconventional arrangement, to put it lightly. Insane is another word for it, and probably a more agreeable one because more than one of them thinks Rainer’s somehow brainwashed Bo into all of this.

But the agreeable assumption is also the easier one, and shortcuts have been nothing less than destructive for Tamsin. Call it a leap of faith or whatever, but she’s trusting Bo.

Not Rainer though, because trusting Bo is not a tacit approval of everything she does. Tamsin’s hunting down something different this time -- the truth.

\---

While Acacia and Bo are arguing over whether Rainer’s ordered the zombie apocalypse on them, Dyson enters the scene and rips out their opponent’s throat. Tamsin holds down a smile.

She sees Bo pull Dyson aside, _thank you for coming_ , and observes how he stiffens when Bo touches his arm.

“Hey,” she intervenes, hooking one arm over Dyson’s shoulder. Calls him D-man like they’re long-time acquaintances. Bo pauses, a moment of resignation flickering across her face before she leaves. It’s the first time she really looks at Tamsin that day, really _sees_ her and it’s not because of her.

“Thanks partner.”

Dyson says it and sounds like he means it too, but his eyes are following Bo.

“Yeah.”

\---

She asks Dyson the million dollar question that she hates to be asked herself, and he answers with a lie, “never better”.

Tamsin accuses him of lying and he just repeats his answer like the broken record Bo left him as. She calls Bo crazy.

It’s arguable, when the girl wears instability and heavy baggage on her sleeve and they’re the ones throwing themselves at her feet.

\---

Tamsin has that long overdue heart-to-heart with Acacia and she’s reminded why they don’t keep in touch.

It doesn’t take long before she spills about handing Rainer’s soul to Trick and that’s when Acacia grabs her.

“You put him on that train.”

Just one thing on the long list of things she regrets. “I _helped_ , make him the Wanderer,” she clarifies, and wriggles out of the grip.

“We gotta take him out.”

Acacia’s never had a problem taking orders, seeing through the lens of reason, and up until recently, Tamsin was that person. It’s different now, _she’s_ different now and maybe it’s the Kenzi-guide-to-parenting but she’s developed a thorn in her side called sentiment.

“Acacia,” she implores. She can’t kill Rainer without it killing Bo, and she can’t do that, not a second time.

To drive things home, Acacia spells it out for her. If Tamsin doesn’t kill him first, she might as well start digging her own grave. “Jesus Tamsin, Rainer’s revenants are after you.”

But something else has changed in this new life of hers. She’s no longer held down by death, haunted with its dreams. She learns, there are some things worth dying for.

\---

When she arrives back at the clubhouse, she’s a bit high on emotions. Acacia always starts out easy before ambushing all your vulnerabilities. This time, Tamsin turns the tables, calls Acacia out on her ploy to have them target the Wanderer. She explains that she’s not a killer anymore. Or more precisely, not a reckless one.

“But I’m going to do it right this time. I have to be sure,” she adds with conviction. The kind that makes Acacia throw a mockery of a white picket fence future with Dyson at her.

So in that state of mind, she wasn’t really expecting Bo, but the girl’s always been annoyingly great at subverting expectations. She flags Tamsin down, invades her space and Tamsin feels cornered in the middle of the room, legs rooted and suddenly useless.

Bo opens her mouth and it’s Rainer Rainer Rainer and Tamsin’s feeling tired. The second time she sees Tamsin that day and the second time it’s because of another.

“Sometimes you just have to go for it you know?”

Tamsin’s always had a nebulous perception of time, due to those extended lifelines of hers. But since then, she’s realized that a lot can change in the course of a minute. Weighty, life-changing decisions are made in those minutes. Here, she has seconds at most. Here, Bo is pleading for moral confirmation -- begrudgingly tolerated by Kenzi, rejected by Dyson, and afraid of confronting Lauren. Here, Bo wants Tamsin’s support and understanding.

Except, something else entirely is rising in her chest, warm yet constricting. Tamsin realizes through reason, not intuition, because Lauren and Dyson both share the same affliction. This four letter curse.

Arithmetic, she reminds herself. Logic quashes that rising feeling, reigns in her temptations, and keeps her arms at her side..

“Right,” she affirms.

\---

Rainer’s not the Wanderer. She observes Bo’s relief when they make that realization. That’s one less obstacle impeding their destined love.

So Tamsin ends up at the Dal searching for the bottle with her name on it, but instead she finds Dyson, in all his brooding glory. She makes her way to the counter and observes the drunkenness of his pour. He tries to play off his loneliness like it’s some transient phase, except it only makes his vulnerability ever more transparent.

“Feels good,” he remarks, looking her in the eye before knocking back a shot. He winces, but she knows it’s another kind of burn.

“Do you remember the first time we met?” She has no idea where she’s going with this. “At the boxing ring?”

“I remember taking some shots in the mouth, yeah.”

“That’s not all I did to that mouth,” she points out, downing a shot of liquid fire.

He shoots her a confused look, not unlike the last time she valkyried out on him. The kind where he’s doubting his interpretation of events, or words in this case.

Sometimes Tamsin thinks it can all be read in body language, something that eludes the succubus. Bo, who can measure sexual energy to a scientific degree, sees nothing of the people around her -- of how Dyson struggles to keep his voice even, or how Lauren tries to overcompensate by allowing Bo her space. Their lives are like trains, the two of them trapped in the wreckage that Bo’s created. And alone, she surges on forward.

Tamsin knows that fear because it hasn’t been long since Dyson pulled her out of the rubble and brought her back in more than just one piece. It doesn’t matter that he was incentivized by Bo’s rescue because no one else had went back for her.

So she climbs over and onto Dyson’s lap, ignoring the pointed looks and drunken protests and kisses him. Hard, unrelenting, and desperate. _Stop thinking._

“Come on,” she rasps, one hand driving against the back of his neck, encouraging and forceful.

He hesitates, pulls apart to see her more clearly, but Tamsin reconnects their lips before he can sober up.

“Come on.”

She tries imitate the voracity of Bo’s kisses when she feeds because this is for him. Because it needs to be her who pulls Dyson out of the wreckage.

“Come _on_.”

And when he finally reciprocates, pulling her against him with bruising force, she tries to forget. Abandons her thoughts and desires because in this room, he loves another, and she --

Tamsin travels a parallel track, hugging against the path that Bo takes, never quite touching. Bo moves, move on, and Tamsin follows. A benign force, never interfering, a guardian shadow. It’s not perfect, not even ideal, but unlike them, Tamsin refuses to be left behind.

\---

Tamsin hated crying. Still does.

But it’s Kenzi, and it’s not just uncomfortable, it’s a blade against her heart. It’s every sob and whimper that cuts into her chest.

Kenzi has Bo to hold her, Lauren whispering reassurances in her ear, Dyson, a silent guardian, and Trick taking her hand in his.Tamsin goes and places a single flower on Hale’s grave.

They all have their roles to play, and Tamsin knows hers. She’s going to stop all this hurt, with Massimo, the Wanderer, Rainer, or whatever entity fragmenting her friends, her family. She’s going to stop this rain; no more crying.

Tamsin, she’s going to make things right.


End file.
